


Eyes Closed

by Kiterie



Series: 100 themes [21]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-15
Updated: 2009-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:10:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you'd almost rather be disillusioned...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Illusion

Iruka moved casually through the training grounds, picking up the various items that he'd dropped during his workout. "Twenty three... twenty four..." He muttered, tucking the shuriken back into his pouch. "I'm sure another one landed right about here..." He scrunched up his face, confused; the scar on his nose and cheeks distorted by the expression. "I... and then... it should be here..."

"Close your eyes..." Kakashi said, coming up behind the dark-haired chunin.

Iruka moved to turn around, but the ex-ANBU moved with him, keeping himself just out of the other's line of sight. "Will you give me back the shuriken you stole, if I do?" Iruka asked, the tone clearly stating that he knew Kakashi had taken it.

Kakashi laughed and continued to dodge the other's attempts to turn around. "You really shouldn't bother trying to see what I look like, I was trained by Yondaime after all." Neither of them was really exerting themselves any more than an average person. "Now, like I said, just be good and close your eyes," he repeated, smirking as he moved again.

"Will you..." Iruka started to ask again.

The silver-haired jounin laughed, cutting his words short. "You might get what you want; you'll just have to do as I ask if you want to find out." He moved around easily, and the two of them almost appeared to be doing an odd sort of dance.

Iruka stopped trying to turn around and crossed his arms. "Or, I could just requisition more," he retaliated.

"Yes, but then you'll always wonder what would have happened if you'd just closed your eyes," came Kakashi's counter, the words sliding off his lips in a tone that verged on a laugh. "And, everyone knows about your insatiable curiosity."

"Do they?" Iruka snorted.

The laugh that had been threatening to fall with Kakashi's earlier words tumbled out, and the joinin couldn't help but smile as he replied, "Mmhm... they do."

"Fine..." Iruka muttered, rolling his eyes, but then, with a rather deep sigh, he did close his eyes. "Now, why am I closing them?" He asked, the tone clearly exasperated.

Kakashi stepped in front of him and slid one hand around the back of Iruka's head and the other to his waist. At the sudden contact, Iruka started to open his eyes. "Don't, you'll ruin the illusion."

Iruka chuckled softly and shook his head very slightly. "Afraid I'll be disillusioned if I see your face?"

"That _is_ what I said..." Kakashi whispered, leaning forward, pressing his lips against Iruka softly. Parting them, he lapped softly at the younger man's lips, who parted them with a slight intake of breath that quickly turned into a barely audible moan.

And then, the kiss was over and Kakashi pulled away, his breath catching inexplicably in his throat despite the fact that it was just a kiss.

"Why do we play this game, Kakashi?" Iruka asked, sounding bewildered and slightly hurt. "Let me see your face." The request was almost a plea.

"Next time," Kakashi said, sliding his mask up and laying his head against Iruka's shoulder as his arms went around the younger man.

Iruka returned the embrace, reassuring his lover he wasn't going anywhere. "You always say that..."

 _'I know,'_ he thought, unable to actually say it. "Next time." It was a promise, but at the same time, it wasn't.

"Okay."


	2. Light

Iruka hated this time of day, and he glared at the open window as though he blamed it for what he knew was coming. He swallowed and closed his eyes, attempting to push himself back off to sleep in a vain attempt to make the moment not come, to make time stop. It didn't work. The sun slowly peaked in through the window, causing his eyelids to glow red, so he turned over. It was a mistake, and he regretted it immediately, eyes opening instinctively. A deep gray eye stared back at him, silver hair blocking the other from his view.

"You're awake." He stated the fact, feeling foolish for being caught in the game he played with sunlight. There was a movement under the mask that Iruka knew immediately was a frown.

"So are you," Kakashi said simply in answer.

Iruka nodded, averting his eyes as he did. He always woke up before the sun rose. It was like he could sense it coming to the point that, even when the other wasn't in his bed, he woke; and he was starting to forget ever having slept in.

"Close your eyes." The words were barely above a whisper.

Looking back up, Iruka shook his head. "You don't need to kiss me goodbye."

"Close your eyes," Kakashi repeated a little more firm the second time.

A soft sigh escaped the chunin's lips. Iruka both loved and hated those words, and they twisted inside his chest painfully. He hated mornings, hated goodbyes, and he hated that, despite the outcome that always came, he longed for night. "Don't... just... go ahead and leave."

Pale fingers slid up to his face, the touch soft. "Close your eyes, Iruka," Kakashi said, then dragged his fingers over Iruka's eyes.

Iruka closed his eyes at the touch and, despite desperately wanting to, didn't open them again even when the hand pulled away, a tear sliding over the bridge of his nose to join the other before they both slid over his face. "I hate mornings," he choked out.

"Go back to sleep, Iruka, it's not morning," Kakashi said, pulling the blanket up around them as he wrapped his arms around Iruka. "Never will be."

More tears joined the first two, and Iruka buried his face into the crook of Kakashi's neck. He hadn't meant for Kakashi to see him cry, or for his lover to even realize he was awake, but he had; and Iruka was silently glad of it. "Good. I hate mornings."

"So do I."


	3. Breaking The Rules

Iruka smiled, burrowing his face into the warmth. He felt groggy, wakefulness was slowly seeping in however and he fought it, yawning and keeping his eyes shut tight against the light that would drag him up out of it.

"Wake up, sleepy-head."

And then he was awake, his chest clenching with the realization that he wasn't alone. It took a moment for his mind to catch up and then he remembered. He'd already been awake once today and Kakashi had said those heart wrenching words, but instead of kissing him goodbye he'd simply told him to go back to sleep. As soon as the memory fully surfaced, from his sleep clouded mind, Iruka relaxed a little. There was still a tightness between his shoulder blades and he took a deep breath trying to ease it, but didn't open his eyes.

"First you refuse to close your eyes when I tell you too and now you're refusing to open them... I think you just enjoy being contrary." Kakashi's voice held a lightness to it, but he didn't laugh.

"But..." Iruka paused, a little hesitant. He pulled back a little bit, tilting his face toward Kakashi's. "...I want a kiss," he said finally, catching himself before he could finish the sentence with 'good morning'. There was an uncertainty there but it was over-ridden by his need to be kissed and reassured it hadn't just been a dream.

Kakashi took a slow, deep breath that was clearly audible and which held a note of something else. "You can open your eyes."

Iruka didn't open them, a little confused about whether he was being denied the kiss. "That'd be breaking the rules though," he said hesitantly, terrified that if he opened them that sigh would mean no.

"They're already broken," Kakashi said, the tone indiscernible.

Keeping his eyes averted to the side, Iruka opened them, the anxiety twisting even tighter in his chest. He could see pale skin out of corner of his eyes and his heart leapt into his throat, but he still couldn't bring himself to actually look at Kakashi, afraid it was some kind of cruel joke. Kakashi swallowed and Iruka caught the motion as his jaw twitched with the action.

"You don't have to look away..." The words sounded shakey even to Iruka.

Iruka closed his eyes again, took a deep breath, then opened them and looked at the man who'd been sharing his bed for months now, for the first time.

"Kiss me."

He didn't know if he'd said it or if Kakashi had but he pressed his lips against the paler ones of his lover, his eyes open for the very slow, soft, and nearly chaste kiss. Then he broke it, whispered a thank you, then caught the other's mouth with his own again for another, deeper kiss and broke it only when he could hardly breath.

"Are you... 'disillusioned'?" Kakashi asked, panting.

Iruka almost wanted to laugh at the way Kakashi seemed almost terrified at the prospect of his answer, but he didn't. He didn't know why Kakashi thought that he would be, the man was more than good looking. "No," he said and smiled.

Kakashi visibly relaxed at his answer. "Good."

"No more rules?" Iruka asked, wondering if that's what Kakashi meant by letting him see his face, by staying.

"No more mornings, no more mask, for you," Kakashi said, tightening his hold on the chunin's waist.

Iruka nodded, smiling.


	4. Safety First

Kakashi dragged his fingers though the dark hair, Iruka leaned into the touches. He was more comfortable like this, holding Iruka with the man's back to his chest. Despite that he didn't wear the mask with Iruka, it was still hard to let the other see him. "I'm sorry." The words were whispered because he couldn't seem to voice them any louder.

"For what?" Iruka asked, sounding a little groggy. He didn't turn to look at Kakashi though he snuggled a little and pulled the arm around his waist a little tighter around himself, threading his fingers with Kakashi's.

It was hard to explain. Mostly, he was sorry that he'd hurt Iruka. When they'd fallen into bed together that first time, he hadn't expected it to become what it was. Kakashi hadn't realized Iruka had been awake that first morning he'd kissed him goodbye before ducking out the window. He couldn't explain why he'd done that, why he hadn't stayed, why he'd felt the need to kiss the man before he'd left, but he couldn't deny that it had made things harder on them both. Maybe if he'd stayed they could have talked, figured things out, found their boundaries a little faster, had a 'normal' relationship. If he'd gone without the kiss, maybe they would have both moved on... he was glad he hadn't, even if it would have hurt Iruka less if he had.

"Kakashi?" Iruka shifted a little so that he was a bit more on his side, releasing Kakashi's hand and wrapping his arms around the man's waist.

"Hm?" Kakashi asked, then realized he hadn't answered Iruka's question. "For being a coward and hurting you."

Iruka laughed and shook his head. "I am as much to blame there as you. I shouldn't have pretended to be asleep or said something before it got to that point."

Kakashi couldn't argue with his lover's logic, as much as he wanted to. "Why didn't you?"

The chunin was quiet for a moment and when he spoke it soft and accompanied with a sigh. "I was afraid of pushing you away, afraid you'd go and not come back." Iruka leaned up and kissed Kakashi's cheek. "I was too much of a coward to ask for something more at the risk of the answer being no. We were both fools."

"Too busy trying to protect ourselves to realize it too," Kakashi agreed.

"We teach pre-genin that don't we? _'Safety first or you won't be around long enough for it to matter.' and 'A shinobi doesn't let their emotions show.'_ There's a few others too of course." Iruka sighed and shook his head slightly.

"What did you see when you closed your eyes?" Kakashi asked, slipping his hand up under Iruka's shirt just so he could touch the warm skin again. "What did you think about?"

"Hm?" Iruka rubbed his eyes, twisting so he could look at the man holding him. "Why didn't you want me to see your face?"

"Because..." Kakashi's throat tightened and his eyes welled with tears that he refused to acknowledge, refused to wipe away. "...I see a lot of things when I look in the mirror but I don't see what I want to see." He wanted to tell Iruka but he couldn't quite force the words out. "I've spent so much time hiding who I am that I'm not even sure who that is anymore..."

Iruka twisted around the rest of the way, gave Kakashi an almost sad look before leaning forward to brush his lips against Kakashi's. "I didn't really think about that. I mean I knew you had thin lips and a long straight nose and pale skin, I knew you had very small scar at the corner of your lips..." The chunin traced a finger along each as he described them, pausing at the scar and smiling. "And, I knew none of it was important because you could be the ugliest man on the planet and I'd still love you. I just wondered why you were hiding and..."Iruka averted his eyes for a moment and sighed. "...I thought... you knew how I felt and it was your way of saying you didn't feel the same."

It felt like the world dropped out under him and then he reached up and pulled Iruka back down, stealing a long, slow, deep kiss from the startled man. "You were right, we are both fools," he panted as he broke kiss, their lips still brushing as he spoke. "I love you too," Kakashi said, the stole another kiss before the other could say anything else. Since there was after all nothing else that needed to be said.


End file.
